I was incredibly blessed to have my parents for as long as I did. My mom died at age 84, 3 months before my 56th birthday. My dad, nearly 87 when he took his last breath, died 2 months after my 56th birthday. I'm sure by now you've done the math. Yes, my parents died a little less than 5 months apart. It's been a sad time in our family. 2014, as a year, well, in plain English, has sucked!I spent 6 months away from my home in Florida, away from my relatively new husband, away from my new friends that I knew would have been a great support had I remained local. I spent 6 months in my childhood home in Brooklyn, referred to here as 1137. (Read my first post for an understanding of the importance of 1137 as a number and as a time on the clock.) It was a stressful situation. Being there for my dad and taking care of him came easy. It was stressful, but it came naturally. I'm a mom. I'm a nurturer. I've got excellent time management skills so every appointment and task was laid out in way that would make it easy to stay on top of. And the bonus? Every night, he'd thank me for being there for him, he'd say, "What would we do without you?" and he'd tell me how much he loved me. Every night for nearly 6 months. That part was nice.
As I was doing the nurturing thing, I learned a lot of things. I learned what is involved in being a health care proxy for an elderly parent. I learned the ropes of the hospital. Well, some of them at least. I learned how to be an advocate for my dad. I learned a lot about Brooklyn. I learned how to parallel park really well. At least I could parallel park my dad's Prius by the end of the six months. Not a skill that has translated to home and my own car, sadly. I also learned a lot about life and about my life in particular. I kept a list of all the things I learned, realized I knew but was glad for the reminder, and a list of things that I will continue to wonder about. I knew I wanted to share those lessons with others but wasn't sure through what means.
Now, with the help of my brother, I'm trying to manage the estate and get it settled. Most of it is in a revocable living trust, words I really gave no thought to, even though I'd been hearing them for years. Probate? What's that? Irrevocable trust? What's that? I'd hear different interpretations on the same terms from different people. I had no idea who to trust. I'd goggle things, try to make sense of things on my own. I'd read a book. All these things help somewhat. Here's the bigger problem. Unlike taking care of my dad, this stuff does not come naturally to me. I hate dealing with numbers. Working on my tax return gives me a migraine. Paper handling is a really weak cog in my repertoire of skills. I realized, though, that with all the effort I'm putting in to learning about trusts and estates, with both parents gone, when am I going to need this knowledge again? That's when I first decided to keep a blog. Maybe what I'm learning now will help someone else down the line. Maybe, if you're reading this, it will help YOU!
