Deeply personal lessons learned

It might seem like I haven't learned too much about trusts and estates in the past week. Which is probably true. But it's more because my head is ready to explode with all the little things I'm figuring out that still need to be learned and/or ironed out. Just when I think I have a handle on something, like... handling the claims forms for death benefits from the Teachers' Retirement System, I learn that there's a glitch. In this case it's a glitch that's come up before. Because my dad never filed a claim for Mom's benefit, because "we have time," it's become a much larger and involved process than it should be. I'm a sequential kind of gal. I need to do things in order. I like a list. I like to check things off on my list. And with the simultaneous settling of two estates, that just doesn't seem possible.

I'm trying to come to terms with the mess that my dad left me. Us. Me as executor and trustee. Me.  I'm learning about many of the mistakes he made in his estate planning... and praying that I don't make the same mistakes. This is very difficult for me to do. My dad was a rock for me most of my growing up years. But he was human, no infallible and many mistakes were made. Many of which I hope not to mistake when I start my own estate planning.

I started quaking in my boots last night, watching The State of the Union Address, as President Obama talked about changing tax rules for inheritance. If you have someone plan out a trust for you to maximize the benefits that your beneficiaries will get, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, make sure that you review the current tax laws each year to see what changes need to be made to your trusts. While you're alive, they are revocable - and easily amended. Keep things current. Huge lesson learned.

Another lesson that I learned during the months I spent in New York. It is so important to have a hobby to clear your mind. It's also really nice to have a hobby that you can do on your own, something solitary, that can be shared with other people. Just two months before I got that "fatal" phone call from my dad, telling me that my mom had a stroke, I signed up for a photo challenge. You can see the details at Fat Mum Slim. It's a personal challenge, not a competition. I've really noticed that my photos have improved a lot since signing up for the challenge. I now take at least one photo per day from a prompt. And because I need to think before I photograph, I've become more thoughtful. And I've noticed things around me that I would not have otherwise seen. It was something fun to share with my family as we sat vigil by my mother's bedside. It gave me an excuse to go for a walk while sitting by my father's hospital bed. And once my father was in the nursing home, it gave us a chance to share adventures together on the days he was up for it. When he wasn't up for going out, he'd give me ideas on what to photograph and then we might make the selection for what I'd share with the group together. Which is the second great thing about this hobby. I can take the photos on my own (solitary hobby) but I have not one but several places to share my hobby and to keep me connected with others. I post my daily picture each day to my Facebook wall, to the FMS PAD group on Facebook and with the hashtag #fmsphotoaday on Instagram. Photo a Day was a lifesaver while up in New York and now it's a great thing for me to turn to when I don't feel like dealing with the ickier side of life.

Now to clear my head and get back to my camera...